importance

i can't believe it, but i'm doing something i said i wouldn't do for at least quite some time... until i'd healed and gotten stronger, wiser.

what an idiot.

i'm setting myself up for disappointment again. things might be a little different this time around, but it still seems like no matter what i do, i could still never be good enough, or exacly the right thing. sometimes i feel childish and out of my league. i'm definately not allowing myself to change for this, but the fact that the ME that i've allowed to be shown doesn't seem good enough. and that's what hurts at the moment. things are still so confusing and unclear. i'm so mad at myself for how weak i may seem at this... so pathetic and unexperienced.
i'm still constantly working on myself to open up and pray for some more advancement.
but yes, this is a different situation and things have advanced... let's just hope God has a great plan, i'm trusting Him w/where ever He's takin me with this. i'm trying to be patient and remind myself that there's all the time in the world for something to happen. i'd rather things go slowly, than really fast and rushed. i just hope i am of some importance, no matter where this ends up.

ps, i'd like to say that i'm so grateful to have someone in my life, someone who i can relate with and is now in the loophole of things. of all people, i'm so surprised i've become so close... that is, to have all of this out in the open. i'd like to thank her for all of her loving support and encouragement.